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January 16th, 2010 
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First kiss – such thrilling and exciting feelings! Warmth is going though all the body from toes till very ends of the hair. Smile on your face stays there for at least a week. Remembering the first kiss your heart trembles already a long time since it…and feels like you’ve suddenly grown up. Parents probably suspect something because mom looked at me archly. But maybe they don’t…
After first kiss we start to think about possibility of first sexual contact
Of course we also don’t have any experience in sex. We know only what we’ve read in books, watched on TV or found out from friends. Definitely everything is alright with us, that is confirmed by first signs of puberty. Sexual dreams are visiting more and more often with every night and we explore our bodies better with every day.
Friends brag that they’ve slept with girl… sometimes seems that it is a confirmation to their maturity. After all they’re 16. That kind of emotions are strange to me, I have nothing to brag about within company of my friends. But maybe that’s even better….
First sexual contact – it’s been talked about it so much and so little in the same time. We know how it should happen, or at least we think that we know. But is it happening that way? Sometimes it brings disappointment. Before writing this article, there were poll taken by men about their first sexual contact. Part of them answered that they better don’t talk about it. Other case is to talk about 5th one…though this issue is actual always, that’s why we’re seeing Dr. Arthur Vavere for a discussion.
What age does first sexual experiences usually happen?
This is traditional question which has different answers. Visiting one country side school, grey-haired teacher with desperation in her voice said that already at age 12 everyone has tried it. Talking to 16 year olds most common is the answer that all of his friends have done that except him. It’s completely different case what “somebody” has told – that’s how in our society various stereotypes have grown.
More serious answers are given by different polls. So what are they saying? Analyzing the results we can see that there are some tendencies in last 30 years. Firstly, average age at which sexual relationships are started has decreased. Secondly, has decreased the gap in age between girls and boys, that is they start their sexual life practically at the same age. One third of the boys at age 14-15 have already had their first sexual experience.
In Europe, average age of starting sex life is not 12-14, but 16-17. Yes, but this is only statistic data, it doesn’t mean that “virginity” has to be lost by the age 18! Everybody does that when they are ready. One can do that at age 13, another one at 20, I think it’s normal.
With what such changes are connected?
Before, start of sexual life was a way to marriage, now it’s confirmation of maturity of the boy. It’s interesting but fact, that in France till year 1937 every second man had started his sexual life with the help of prostitute. Now also some young men use service of prostitutes, but mostly it’s entertainment of grown-ups and first intercourses usually happen between two same age people.
As a very important moment I want to emphasize that 60% of first intercourses are not planned, are one night stands and are committed with unknown partner. That means that in most of the cases this contact can be crucial regarding infection with STD, including HIV/AIDS as well as unwanted/unplanned pregnancy might occur.
Is first contact always pleasant?
Judging from poll – for 30% it hasn’t been so. The most common cause for it – failures in sex (problems with ejaculation or erection), unpleasant feelings, or man just doesn’t reach the expected enjoyment. It has different causes. Firstly it’s stress and worries about what and how it will be. Am I a real man? Is it going to be fine? Will I know what to do? Secondly disappointment might be brought by very process when something is not going the way it was planned. For instance – everything is going its way and suddenly erection disappears or ejaculation happens too fast. Thirdly, if during sex we don’t get the pleasure we expected, we have a feeling of emptiness after intercourse. Those reasons are many and can vary a lot for each person.
With what do you connect the early sexual maturity of teenagers?
I wouldn’t call it a sexual maturity because early sexual contacts don’t mean that person has grown to be mature. Sexual relationships can be started by not grown up teenagers too. It’s connected with many social, economical and global factors. Often we can call it a difference between old and young generations. The tolerance towards sex in whole in society has noticeably increased lately. Also has increased tolerance towards different expressions of sex, including homosexuality – if 20 years ago nobody even talked about it, then today you can talk about it freely.
One more factor is re-sexualization of woman. That means that woman has become more sexually active. She can ask her man to a date, go to movies or even propose to him.
What are the biggest problems during first sexual intercourse?
I want to specially point out one men’s failure during the first sexual contact, it is inability to perform sexual act – lack of erection. Second would be too quick (premature) ejaculation. It might happen without even starting intercourse, with first move or just right after it. Normally the length of intercourse should be 10-15 minutes from first moves till ejaculation, because it’s the average time needed to satisfy the partner. Third problem is disappointment in sex partner. If to analyze the reasons of these problems, there has to be mentioned stress, worries, too big excitement, hyper sexuality, unsuitable conditions, uncertainty, fears, etc
What are the consequences of stress during first sex?
Stress – fears and worries are the most common reason of loss of erection. “Little friend” is ready, but when everything has to happen, readiness disappears. At next contacts it creates fears, what if it is the same again, the more man thinks about it, the more problems it brings – it actually happens again. Consequently guilt feeling and inferiority complex develops. As a next comes inability to perform sexual act – impotence. Similar situation is with too quick or premature ejaculation. If these problems occur and persist, person should consult the specialist. It’s hard to solve the protracted problem; it’s better done when problem has just occurred. Very important role here is for psychological aspect.
I can tell you the sample from life: guy had a failed first sexual contact at age 16 (lost erection) and as a result he had developed inferiority complex. He repeated a try to have a sexual contact at age 18 with the same result. By the age 24 he’s completely buried himself as a man, though decided to turn to specialist. Of course problem was solved within few months and now he’s living full sexual life. With this I would like to emphasize that there’s no need to suffer for 8 or 10 years when all the problems can be solved. You have to brace yourself and turn for help to specialist
What to do to avoid stress? Alcohol, drugs..?
Each case is individual and should be analyzed separately. In some cases first contact really happens under influence of alcohol or drugs (amphetamine, ecstasy, etc.). In small doses alcohol have stimulating effect. In bigger doses though – it suppresses senses, in the beginning it’s just harder to ejaculate, later there’s problems with erection and then no erection at all. Situation is – there’s a willing but no possibility.
Speaking about alcohol and other toxic substances the most important is that people loose self-control under their effect, even basic caution is taken down so people are putting themselves under a big risk of infections with STD including HIV/AIDS and of course unplanned pregnancy.
Mostly the reason of failures is stress. So to achieve a real pleasure from first sexual contact and escape the failure there are some advices which should be taken into account. The best is if it can be done at well known place like home for instance. The perfect is if you can dedicate as much as possible time for it, whole night for example. It helps for very sexual act as well as to avoid any unpleasant situations, like loss of erection at very beginning of act. Don’t worry, just wait for a while and your “friend” will be up again. But if such a situation happens somewhere outside in bushes then there can’t even be a question about resting and continuing in a while.
What else problems can show up during first contact?
If it is a first contact for both of the partners then there might be a problem with insertion of penis, breaking of hymen. It can be a reason for loss of erection, foreskin traumas; also partner might start to bleed. That of course can cause the unpleasant feeling for man.
In cases if development of foreskin has been problematic, with erection, when penis bulges, it might bring some pain and consequently a loss of erection.
If woman has very narrow uterus, man might get bruises on his foreskin. Consequence is red and burning foreskin. Also foreskin ligament can break. In this case you can feel sharp unpleasant pain right away. As well it is possible to have a broken penis – it means broken tissue and bruise. Of course it happens very seldom and reason is very brutal or rough sex. If it happens, shape of penis changes and you have to turn to doctor as soon as possible. It is healable and if you turn for help soon enough you might not have any unpleasant consequences. Of course, the owners of big and wide penises should remember that inserting them into their partner might bring some unpleasant feelings. Remember that during the sex you have to think of not only yours but also partner’s pleasure.
What positions would be most recommended for first sexual contact?
You can use whatever position you find appropriate for the moment. When choosing it, you have to take into account that woman has to relax her pelvis muscles. For man in their turn it’s important to be posed so they can get close to the intimate parts of their partner and also help by the hand at penis insertion if that would be necessary. One of such poses which is also mentioned in old books is used today too. There were used bed for it before, but today you can use a table since beds in those times were the same high as table these days. Woman is lying down or sitting on a table so the legs are hanging over the edge – situated like this it will be easier for her to relax her pelvis muscles. Also in this position man’s genital area is at the same height that woman’s so intercourse may be done without any obstacles. The same can be done over the bed edge, but then man has to be on his knees. In such a position man can reach all the necessary areas of the woman and her pelvis is relaxed too. This is talking about vaginal sex. You have to remember that there are also oral, anal sex and two-way masturbation.
Sometimes young people think that anal sex helps girls to save their virginity, also that this way it’s impossible to catch the STD or become pregnant. In older times when condoms still were not invented anal sex was used as a mean of contraception. Today also it can be used as contraception but it won’t help you against infection with STD. Also if you’re not fully prepared, anal sex can be very painful and unpleasant, but I think that about types of sex we could talk in some of the next issues of the magazine. If you want to know more about different types of sex, please, send your letters with your wishes!
How does young man should know that burning penis after his first sex is not STD?
If there hasn’t been used condom, you can’t be sure. About traumas that have been got during the sex (bruises, tears. etc.) you usually feel symptoms right away, but STD has incubation period. So symptoms of STD show up later, whether it’s next day or 3 months after intercourse. It would be the best if in such a situation person contacted a specialist because all the STD’s are best treated in beginning stage.
What would be your advices for first sexual contact without any problems?
Without a doubt it’s very important event in young man’s life so he should prepare accordingly. First time should take place in very calm place and should take longer time. It’s recommended to get some information from books and if possible, consult with doctor. Because, after all – till THAT hasn’t happened, he doesn’t know, what he should be aware of and what not.
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